Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
