there's paper in my vomit.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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