i just had sex bonerless
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
