If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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