Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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