Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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