Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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