no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
