If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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