Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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