I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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