FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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