A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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