What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
