Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
