dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
