I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
