I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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