Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
