We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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