just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
