he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
