Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
