What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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