Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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