I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my shit smells like andre
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
