Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
