I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
