every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
