My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
