you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
