I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
