So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
