so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Damn victory sex feels great
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
