hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
