I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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