You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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