So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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