I wish I could punch you in the face.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
