you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
