They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
