I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
