omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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