what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
