were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
