Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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