when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
