McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
