Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
