She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
