I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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