After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
