I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
